Are you ready to develop better parenting skills, which in turn, will create a sense of better mastery for 2019? If you know that you are not happy with your childrearing, then you need to shift your energy to create the parenting skills you need to become a more effective parent.
This requires looking at your situation differently. When something negative is occurring, is there a way to glean something positive from it? This will definitely require a shift in how you think.
If your kids are challenging you, they’re being disrespectful, they’re telling you no; you can practice good emotional maturity and not react to their negativity. Instead you can give them a consequence for their disrespect and choose to notice their effort, not their outcome. You can ask yourself, “what can I do to make this a win?” Maybe you tell yourself, I reacted with more confidence and didn’t let them see me sweat. You may have disengaged and said to yourself, I will no longer stay in the room when they are disrespecting me.
Practicing shifting your thoughts helps you to detach and not be as affected by misbehavior. It also gives you a better sense of mental health. This stuff is hard, but once you start doing it, it becomes a normal practice. So, if something bad happens, let’s say your child gets detention for not turning in homework, you can say to yourself, “I’m the poster child for believing that eventually my child will learn from this consequence and will make better choices in the future.” Or you can say, “I am thankful that the school is helping me create the village that my child needs to function in today’s society.” When you do that, you feel better.
I’m not asking you to be Super Parent, but I am saying that you have the power to determine what you will tolerate from your children. When you do, then you get to say, “I am no longer going to give them the power to make me feel like I am a bad parent because of their misbehavior.” I can choose to give them consequences and watch them decide if they are going to learn from them. Then you keep the faith that eventually they will get it and you breathe a sigh of relief.
We have 60,000 thoughts a day and most of them are negative. You may walk around thinking thoughts like “I’m so tired, or we’ve got a blizzard coming tomorrow, or my kids are so disrespectful, or my spouse treats me poorly, or I hate my job.” For every negative thought you have you can experience a turnaround to empower you. Change statements like “I didn’t do this right” to “I could have done this better.” Or “I wish I would have had more time to organize my closet” to “I will spend more time on the important things in life.” Or, “I’m always thinking about me” to “It is good to meet my needs first so that I can meet the needs of others.” You get the gist. Can you turn that around and at least settle into what you need to do to have a better life?
When you work at things, when you look at life with a positive spin, when you make the effort, it all works to your advantage, and that’s what good mental health entails. It’s about feeling good about your life.